Seeing the World For What It Is

By Brianna Vega / Spring 2026

For a long time, I built these walls to protect myself without even realizing it. Growing up in Deep East Oakland, it’s hard not to stay alert. I was always looking over my shoulder, not trusting people easily, and trying to avoid danger, even though danger felt like it was everywhere. I saw it in the blood-stained concrete, the memorials on every corner with candles and pictures, the pothole-covered streets, the constant sound of sirens, the gun violence, and the underfunded schools. These walls made me feel protected but it also made my world shrink. I thought I really understood the world.

I remember being at a shopping center with my mother as a child, we had just walked in and looked at some clothes hanging near the front. A man walked in, he had on an all white outfit, his left side was covered in blood. He panicked as he asked the closest cashier for help. I remember feeling the energy in the store shift, everyone's eyes were on him. As I looked out the store I saw a car in the middle of the road. In the passenger seat, there was a man with a bullet in his head. At that moment I felt as if I was underwater, time slowed down, I felt light and all the noise was blurred, but this one voice. I just remember staring at the blood pouring out of him.

But what stayed with me the most wasn’t even what I saw, it was what I heard. There was a girl crying and yelling “daddy” over and over again. I remember her mascara running down her face, her glasses fogging  up. She was probably around my age now, while I was only 8 or 9 at the time. Her voice is hard to forget. It was loud, desperate, and full of fear. That moment stuck with me, and it still does. It made me realize how real everything is, and how quickly things can change without warning. After that, it was hard not to see the world as something dangerous.

It was my freshman year of high school, fresh out of COVID, and everything still felt off. I was trying to get back into the real world again, so I joined a bunch of clubs just to put myself out there. One of those clubs was a travel club that took students abroad. I didn’t think too much about it at first, I just saw it as something new. I joined late, so I missed the whole process of voting on where we were going, but everyone had already decided on Thailand.

Thailand was never somewhere I imagined myself going. If anything, I thought I would travel somewhere in South America where I’m more familiar with the language, like Colombia or Venezuela. Thailand felt completely out of my comfort zone.

For months, we fundraised every weekend in front of Safeway. We would stand there asking people for money, hoping they would donate so we could go on this trip. After a few months, spring break finally came. I remember standing at the airport saying goodbye to my parents and my sister. I was trying to act like I wasn’t scared, but I was terrified. I had never been on a plane before, and I was so convinced that it was going to fall out of the sky. I kept thinking about everything that could go wrong. But I still got on. I spent about 24 hours in the air, just sitting there with my  thoughts and music, nervous the entire time. And then finally, I landed in Bangkok, Thailand.

The moment I stepped outside, everything felt different. The air was thick and humid, nothing like what I was used to. The streets were packed, people everywhere, cars moving nonstop, and everything felt so alive. I just remembered feeling so glad I was out of Oakland. It was overwhelming at first, but also kind of exciting. There were street vendors cooking food right in front of us, temples that looked unreal, and signs everywhere in a language I couldn’t even read. It wasn't until I was at the night markets walking around that I got a strong sense of familiarity. This is what Lake Merritt feels like. People gather after work for a drink, live music, vendors outside everything feeling alive. It reminded me of Oakland, but then I wondered why I had only allowed myself to see Oakland as ugly?

At first, I didn’t really know how to take it all in. Back home, I had seen so much struggle and violence that I thought I understood how the world worked. But being there made me realize something different. Even in a place that was busy and chaotic, there was still so much beauty. People were just living their lives, talking, laughing, working, just like anywhere else. That’s when everything clicked for me. The world isn’t just one thing, my view, my so called ugly view.

Before that moment, I think I saw things in extremes. Either something was good or it was bad. Safe or dangerous. But being in Thailand showed me that both can exist at the same time. Just like Oakland has beauty and struggle, so does everywhere else. It’s not one or the other. It didn’t change where I came from or what I’ve seen. Oakland is still Oakland. The violence, the struggle, all of that is still real. But now I don’t see that as the only version of the world anymore.

When I touched back down in Oakland, everything felt familiar but not in the same way it used to. The street, the people, and the energy were all things I knew but something felt shifted. Before Thailand, I think I only knew how to see Oakland through the things that scared me. But after being in Thailand, I realized a place would be busy, chaotic and imperfect but still just so full of beauty.

I remember going to MLK Shoreline for a class project not long after coming back. Before that I didn't even know that shoreline was there. When I stepped out and saw the water, the open space and the view, I remember feeling surprised that something that peaceful existed so close to where I grew up. It made me think about how much of Oakland I had never really noticed because I was always so focused on what felt unsafe. Thailand taught me something I will never forget, beauty is already there, but you have to be open enough to see it. I think it was easier to see the beautiful in Thailand because I went into the trip with an open mind, while back home, my view had already been set and shaped by fear I had experienced.

Looking back, getting on that plane was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done, but also one of the most important. It pushed me out of everything I was used to and showed me a completely different perspective. It made me realize that even though I’ve seen a lot of the ugly in life, there is still so much beauty out there. And for the first time, I felt like I wasn’t just seeing the world through what I had been through. I was actually seeing it for what it is.